When I came back from my trip to India, I felt more full.
That's the best way to describe it. It was like my inner body completely filled the cavity that was my outer body. There was an inner solidity I hadn't felt before; yet I was also fluid. Also, several people commented how my voice rang with confidence and happiness.
One of my private motivations for wanting to go to India was to see how people integrated spirituality / faith / religion into their daily lives. I not only saw this first hand, I experienced it. From being around monks and strongly spiritual people, and from visiting ancient places of worship, I got some of this bliss through osmosis. I got to live in bliss for a month without being committing to any religion or faith, but just being around it, being open to it, was enough to wear off on me.
But this post-trip bliss is starting to wear off...
For the last few days, since I've been working on selling my car and buying a new car, this bliss--this fullness and fluidity--is slowly disappearing. (I wonder where buying and selling used cars is ranked on the universal stress-o-meter?)
Today, at breakfast, I partly figured out why my bliss is wearing off. A CBC radio program helped me out. On the CBC program, a guest talked about boredom being essential for creativity. (By boredom he means the times when you don't have anything to do, and you resist the temptation to engage in--or cannot get to--your email, the Internet, or the TV. You don't check out.) So this morning, instead of eating my breakfast in front of the TV, I ate outside on my beautiful back deck. I wanted to be "bored" and to see what emerged.
It was during my outside breakfast meal that, out of nowhere, I come to realize a truth: what's different about me in Vancouver and me in India is that here I live in my head whereas I lived in my heart in India.
Without telling anyone my secret agenda for India, and without fully realizing it myself, I had given myself permission to live in my heart for one month. It was glorious.
So now that I know what's different between how I felt in India and how I feel in Vancouver, the next question is "How can I live in my heart in Vancouver?" Is it possible to live a normal, busy life in our Western society and still keep this unique and wonderful combination of solidity and flexibility that I experienced in India?
Any ideas?
